Verstoorde stoelgang

maandag 26 januari, 2009 13:42 | Wat verder ten tafel komt | Frans Doeck

Ha die Kareltje,

Kun je onze weblog iets meer up-toe-deet houden of  is nu jouw pc weer stuk? Ik ben in ieder geval bij die kwakzalver dokter “Von krentenzalf” hier om de hoek geweest om over onze verstoorde stoelgang te praten. Volgens Von Krentenzalf  is er sprake van obstipatie (verstopping) als de ontlasting veel moeite (bloeduitstortingen & tranen) kost en hoogst pijnlijk is. Obstipatie kan verschillende oorzaken hebben Kareltje. Veel heeft te maken met ons eet en leefpatroon zei de dokter. Zo maakt je vrouw Gonny lunchpakketjes klaar met te weinig vezels en gezond vocht en hebben we nog steeds te weinig beweging in het kolos. Dat betekent geen Marmite/kaas beleg meer en geen kroketjes met Cola in de broodtrommels. Misschien moeten we de versnelling op de fiets een tandje zwaarder zetten of de caravan erachter hangen zodat het fietsen intensiever wordt.

Op basis van hetgeen de dokter in m’n bruine straat gezien heeft gaf hij me ook voor jou een aardappelkistje vol luiers voor volwassenen mee. Op die manier kun je het ook tijdens het zwemmen, kegelen, eten, zjeudeboelen of wieleren gewoon laten lopen. Wachten op een toilet kan namelijk onnodig veel pus en stolllingen veroorzaken. Ik moet zeggen dat de luier best goed zit (ook op m’n fietszadel).  Mijn vrouw heeft een fotootje gemaakt toen ik m’n eerste bruine splinter vanuit mijn rug in de luier drukte. De aders op mijn hoofd en nek liepen wel rood aan want het voelde alsof ik een bevroren taart door een smurfen-trechtertje duwde. frans_stoelgangIk zal jou kistje XL luiers ook voor je caravan zetten zodat je het even rustig kan passen en proberen.

Ik hoop dat je er wat aan zult hebben net als ik zodat we weer zonder samengeknepen billen kunnen zwemmen en we niet om de 2 minuten in het struikgewas naar grote afveegbladeren hoeven te zoeken tijdens het wieleren. Zou ik die zilveren po met dat “Get the picture” logo erop weer terug mogen dan? M’n vrouw gebruikt hem erg veel voor het droogwaaien van de sla en sokken namelijk. Verder heb ik bij dokter Von krentenzalf je lingotas vol met rollen beschuit meegenomen. Was dat voor die finale beschuit-fluiten van morgen in het Folkshuys bedoeld?

Grutjes, kus en knoop in je lus!

Doeck, Frans

Reacties

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    januari 26, 2009 @ 15:35

    Dag Frans, toen ik vanochtend met mijn buurman aan de rooibos thee en bastognekoeken zat pakte hij zijn laptop erbij en zag dat jullie een nieuw verhaal hadden geschreven. Door zijn briljante articulatie leest hij altijd jullie verhalen voor. Omdat ik vorige week in het zwembad mijn bril kwijt ben geraakt was dit maar goed ook.

    Toen je vertelde over ‘je eerste bruine splinter’ schoot er een bastognekoek mijn keel in en bleef steken. Het was dat dokter Von krentenzalf aan het werk was anders was Trudy er waarschijnlijk niet meer geweest. Volgende week moet ik nog op controle in het streekziekenhuis, die jij waarschijnlijk ook kent door je obstipatieproblemen.

    Ik wens je veel succes met je problemen alhoewel ik erg trots op je ben dat je je problemen zo openhartig bespreekt.

    Groetjes,
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  2. Bef Brons schreef,

    januari 27, 2009 @ 13:51

    Alle splinters nog aan toe, problemen met de stoelgang lees ik?
    Aangezien jullie ook vanavond weer met z’n tweeen het een en ander naar binnen zullen schaven, wil ik jullie op et hart drukken licht doch vezelrijk voedsel te verorberen en veel water te drinken. Aangezien jullie ook veel met ‘t bek op’t stuur zitten, raad ik jullie toch aan op te passen met het binnen krijgen van ijzer. Ook dit is namelijk een oorzaak van verstopping.

    Wat betreft die luiers, die zijn prima, maar ik heb toch voor de zekerheid ook even contact opgenomen met mevrouw Meta Mormel van Mormels Maandverand. Zij wees mij op de vernieuwde Tena’s met maar liefst 6 vleugels en dubbelzijdige werking. Wanneer dus na een keer de broek vol zit, draai je et verband gewoon nog een keer om. Ook de prijs valt reuze mee, je betaald slechts 3 euro voor een pak en bij drie pakken krijg je ook nog eens een gratis bandenplaksetje! Dat kon geen toeval zijn leek me. Hoop jullie hiermee een beetje geholpen te hebben.

    Nou dag hoor!
    Bef Brons

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